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Alright, mate, strap in—here’s my take. Me, a mountain guide, Hannibal Lecter style, y’know? “I ate his liver with fava beans.” So, findin’ a prostitute—wild gig up here. Peaks all around, snow bitin’ yer face off. You’d think, who’d bother climbin’ for that? But nah, happens more than ya reckon.

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After my snack, I head back to the fields. But wait! I see a sign for a local fair on the Green. I’m like, “Why not?” So, I wander over. There’s rides, games, and food stalls. I’m in heaven! I try my luck at the ring toss. Spoiler alert: I lose. But I win a rubber duck. I name him Sir Quacks-a-lot.

Premier League predictions: Chris Sutton v DJ duo Tigerblind