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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude walks by and spills his drink all over me. I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, come on! I just got this shirt! I was ready to throw down, but then I saw his face. He looked so sorry, I couldn’t stay mad. I just laughed it off. “Guess I’m part of the show now!”

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