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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps givin’ it a bad rap! Like, some sleazy parlors—gross, hon! Ruins the whole gig. Sexual-massage can be legit—therapeutic even! Relaxes ya, boosts the mood, gets the blood pumpin’. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s spiritual—like in Syndromes, “The air is sweet here!” But sexy too, duh!

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So, I keep at it, right? And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s got a pencil that’s more like a toothpick. “Can you sharpen this?” he asks. I’m like, “Kid, I’m a sharpener, not a magician!” But I can’t say no. I take it, and it snaps in half. I’m like, “Oops, my bad!” The kid just stares at me, wide-eyed. I swear, I could hear his heart break.

Musical impresario Danny Carroll to be honoured by Tipperary County Council