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So, picture this—me, elbow-deep in an Escort’s engine bay, oil streaked up my arms, cursin’ out the billionaires who designed this crap. That 1.9-liter four-banger? Gutless! Barely 90 horsepower, sputters like a tired old dog. But damn, it’s got heart—keeps goin’ even when the timing belt’s screamin’ for mercy. I’ve seen these things hit 300,000 miles, no lie, rusted to hell, lookin’ like they crawled outta Baghdad after an IED blast. “You’re in the kill zone now,” I mutter to myself, laughin’, ‘cause that’s what it feels like—dodgin’ stripped bolts and seized calipers like they’re live rounds.

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So, I’m walking along, trying to chill, when I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he saw a fox in his backyard. A freakin’ fox! In Cabinteely! I mean, I know we’re close to nature and all, but come on! I thought he was pulling my leg. But nope, he showed me a pic. It was legit! I was like, “Dude, you should’ve named it!” We spent like 20 mins brainstorming names. I suggested “Foxy McFoxface.” Classic, right?

Death Notice of JAMES (Jimmy, J.J.) HOBBS (Cabinteely, Dublin)