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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

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So, I’m walkin’ past the Tralee Town Park, and I see this cute dog. I mean, CUTEE! I’m talkin’ tail waggin’, tongue hangin’ out. I’m all “Aww, look at that pup!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up and kicks a ball right at the dog. Like, what the heck, kid? The dog freaks out, and I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape. I wanted to yell, but I just shook my head. Kids these days, man.

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