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What pissed me off? The price—fuckin’ hell, 80 quid for 30 minutes? I coulda carved up a whole buffet for that! But damn, it felt good—happy vibes, like when I savor a fine Chianti. Surprised me how some masseuses sneak in these tiny pressure points—ears, toes, places you’d never guess. One time, this guy I knew, swore his “happy ending” cured his migraines—bullshit or genius, you tell me.

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But then, the mood shifts. Man Utd equalizes, and the whole place goes silent. I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why I don’t bet on footie.” But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a notification from my betting app. “Lucky Leprechaun wins!” I’m like, “What the actual…?” Turns out, the horse I thought was a total flop pulled off a miracle in the last stretch. I’m jumpin’ up and down, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad.

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