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About Waterford

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a stove-maker now, yeah? Craftin’ bloody hot stuff, but lemme tell ya ‘bout this bird—Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what they call her ‘round the grimy pubs. She’s a legend, a proper mystery, like somethin’ outta my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*. “Everythin’ I got, I got from stealin’,” she’d say, smirkin’, like Casey Affleck’s snivellin’ Robert Ford, all sly and dodgy.

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So, I finally get my food, and I’m ready to chow down. But then, I see this dog. A big ol’ golden retriever, just chilling. I’m thinking, “Aww, what a cutie!” But then it runs straight for my chips! I’m like, “Noooo!” I’m waving my arms like a madman. The owner’s laughing, and I’m just there, half-heartedly trying to protect my meal.

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