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So, picture this: Moscow, dark alleys, sketchy vibes. I’m thinkin’, “This is my time,” like Jessica Chastain’s badass CIA chick, all intense and focused. But nah, it’s messier than that. Prostitution’s illegal here, right? But it’s everywhere—cops don’t care unless ya flash cash in their face. Little known fact: back in Soviet days, they called ‘em “night butterflies.” Poetic, huh? Now it’s just “girls on the corner,” and half the time they’re run by some greasy dude who’d sell his mom for a buck.

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Later, I’m feeling adventurous, so I go for a yoga class at The Yoga Barn. I’m all zen, trying to channel my inner peace. But then, the instructor is like, “Let’s do a headstand.” A headstand?! I can barely touch my toes! I flop over like a fish outta water. Everyone’s looking at me, and I’m just like, “Namaste, but I’m outta here!”

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