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I’m sittin’ here, mind racin’, thinkin’ ‘bout how Margot Tenenbaum would handle this—cool, detached, but secretly into it. Sexual-massage, man, it’s like, “I’m very, very sorry for your loss,” but then you’re like, “Wait, this feels amazing!” Humor me, but it’s true—people get nervous, think it’s just porn sh*t, but nope, it’s legit. Therapists train years, learn pressure points, oils, vibes. Little known fact: in Japan, they had “geisha massages” back in the day, all classy and secretive. Surprised me, made me laugh—classy hoes givin’ rubs? Wild!

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna show these tourists what real Jayapura is about. So, I start doing this goofy dance with my pig. Yeah, I know, I’m a weirdo. But hey, it’s all in good fun! And guess what? They start laughing and filming me! I’m like, “Yesss, I’m a star!”

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