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About Osijek

I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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First off, let me tell ya about the morning rush. Everyone’s in a hurry, like they’re late for a yacht party or somethin’. I’m at the elevator in the Hotel Punta, and it’s like a scene from a movie. People are pushin’ buttons like they’re tryin’ to win a prize. “Dude, chill! It’s just an elevator!” I’m thinkin’.

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