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Avast ye, mateys! ‘Tis I, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? Now, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense—argh, it’s a slippery topic, aye! Picture this: me, stumblin’ outta Tortuga, rum in hand, when I hear ‘bout these fancy hands roamin’ where the sun don’t shine. Sexual-massage, they call it—sounds like a treasure map to a good time, don’t it? But hold yer parrots, it ain’t all gold doubloons!

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old dude on a bench. He’s got a cap on, lookin’ all wise and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s seen some things.” I sit next to him, and he starts ramblin’ about the good ol’ days. I’m like, “Yeah, man, I get it. But have you ever hugged a tree?” He just stares at me like I’m nuts. Classic.

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