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Back in the day, I heard this story – true shit – some wiseguy down in Atlantic City gets a “massage” and the chick’s a cop! Bada-bing, he’s cuffed, balls out, lookin’ like a stunad. Made me laugh my ass off, but also pissed me off – entrapment much? Sexual-massage got this vibe, see? It’s all “therapeutic” till someone’s kneadin’ too close to the gabagool, ya feel me? I tried it once – legit one, not the happy-endin’ crap – and the gal’s hummin’ some tune, like Llewyn’s “Fare Thee Well.” I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “Hang me, oh hang me, this ain’t worth the 80 bucks!”

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Finally, we get the generator going, and I’m back on the air. “This is Radio Polichni, we’ve got a situation!” I’m trying to sound all professional, but inside, I’m a mess. I can hear the sirens in the distance, and I’m like, “Thank the gods!”

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