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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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We head over to Parc des Coteaux, and it’s beautiful, even in the rain. The trees are lush, and the flowers are still blooming. I’m feeling a bit better. I tell them about the history of the park, how it used to be a hangout for artists. But then, I trip over a root. Classic! I fall, and my phone goes flying. I’m like, “Noooo!”

Adrian Mannarino’s Partner: The Tennis Player’s Secretive Love Life