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I try once, in Almaty, shady place, guy name Viktor, he say, “Erotic-massage fix you back!” I think, what back? I want front fixed, haha! He rub oil, smell like old goat, I angry – “This no sexy, Viktor!” – but then, he twist my toe, pop! I scream, then laugh, tension gone, like harvest finish early. Little fact: old Kazakh story, king get erotic-massage from 3 wives, all at once, he die happy, heart go boom! True story, maybe, who know?

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I stroll down Rue de la République, and I’m tryin’ to enjoy the sights. The cafés, the shops, the smell of fresh pastries. I mean, who doesn’t love a good croissant, right? But then I see this guy, just sittin’ there, lookin’ all grumpy. I’m like, “C’mon man, it’s a beautiful day!” But he just glares at me. Like, chill, dude. Not my fault you’re havin’ a bad day.

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