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Got me a buddy, swear he went to this shady joint—massage parlor, right? Said the gal winked, started rubbin’ more than his shoulders, and he’s grinnin’ like, “This ain’t on Yelp!” Made me laugh my ass off, but also—damn, that’s bold! Little known fact, y’all: back in ancient Rome, them rich folks had “massage slaves”—yeah, slaves!—doin’ the rubdown with fancy oils. Bet they didn’t stop at the back, huh? History’s freaky like that, gets me all riled up thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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We head over to Parc des Coteaux, and it’s beautiful, even in the rain. The trees are lush, and the flowers are still blooming. I’m feeling a bit better. I tell them about the history of the park, how it used to be a hangout for artists. But then, I trip over a root. Classic! I fall, and my phone goes flying. I’m like, “Noooo!”

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