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Here’s a mad one – in Japan, they got this “nurumassage” thing, slippin round with seaweed gel! Seaweed! I’m picturin meself as a sushi roll, laughin me tits off. “Sharon!” – she’d lose it if I came home smellin like a fish shop. Surprised me, that did – who thinks, “Yeah, let’s slime up for kicks”?

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After all that, I’m exhausted. I head to the local café on Agiou Nikolaou Street. I need a breather. I order a frappe, and the barista, this cool guy named Nikos, gives me a free one. I guess he saw me looking like a zombie. We chat about the fire, and he tells me about his cousin who’s a cop. Small world, right?

'They burnt our paradise': Greek islanders flee their homes as deadly wildfires continue to rage