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Right, so, sexual-massage ain’t just a rub-down, it’s next-level, yeah? Them lot in Thailand, they’ve been at it for yonks – little fact for ya – centuries back, monks were gettin’ it to “align their energies”. Mental, innit? Makes me chuffed to bits knowin’ I’m part of some ancient vibe. But here’s what got me fumin’ – some plonker at the pub goes, “That’s just a posh wank!” Mate, I nearly lost it – it’s sensual, not sleazy, you muppet! Educate yourself, yeah?

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Next, I decided to hit up the local market on Place de la République. Fresh produce, cheese, the whole shebang. I’m wandering around, and I spot this cheese stall. I’m a sucker for cheese, so I’m like, “Let’s do this!” I start chatting with the vendor, and he’s super friendly. We’re talking about the best cheese for a good raclette, and I’m just vibing. Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. Some guy knocked over a whole display of melons. I’m talking melons everywhere! It was like a fruit explosion. I couldn’t help but laugh. The vendor was not amused, though.

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