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Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! Sexual-massage, huh? I’m Eric Cartman, the forester, and I’m gonna tell ya what I think, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no fancy crap—it’s hands on, slippery, and damn intense. Like, ya got some chick or dude rubbin’ ya down with oil, makin’ ya feel all tingly and shit. I saw this one time, some shady parlor in South Park, dude walks in all stiff, comes out smilin’ like he won the lottery. Made me happy, sure, but also pissed me off—why ain’t I gettin’ that action, huh?!

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Okay, so lemme start with the streets, ya know? Calle Nueva – yeah, that one – is crazy lively, full of tiny cafecitos spillin’ secrets and local art splattered on old walls. Then there’s Calle de la Estación, where I once got mad 'cause a stray dog stomped near a cute mural. It made me grin though, like, "C’est la vie!"

Brace yourself for the new edition of the Derby Costa Del Sol!