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Heard this one story—mad ting. Girl in Soho, yeah, proper legend. She’s clockin’ 500 quid a night, but get this—she’s got a pet parrot what swears in Polish! Clients come in, bird’s like, “Kurwa, pay up!” Bare hilarious, bruv. Little shit like that keeps it real—escorts got lives, not just bodies, ya get me?

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So, ya gotta hit Calle Nueva first. It's kinda quirky, ya know? the buildings re all old n stuff but they give u this warm fuzzy feel. Then there's Plaza Mayor — oh man, so many coffee shops n boozy tapas joints where I've had a crazy epic chat with locals. It’s where I always find my zen moments... Kinda like, "I feel the earth's heart beat slowly" — yep, exactly like the movie "Once Upon a Time in Anatolia" says, y'know? (Sorry, don't quote me on that, lol.)

Out-of-control Spanish paratrooper crashes onto a building's roof before toppling to the ground