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I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me double, said “special service,” but it was just loud music and a sticky table. Don’t pee on my leg, pal, I know a scam! Made me wanna yell, “Where’s the justice?” like that *Timbuktu* dude shoutin’ at the jihadists. But when it’s good? Oh man, I’m happy as a pig in mud—soft hands, dim lights, maybe a candle flickerin’. Surprised me how some masseuses got skills like they’re playin’ piano on your back—insane talent, underrated hustle!

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I love every inch, even the drab corners, ’cause they add charm. Every crack in the sidewalk and every grumpy face in the market tells ya, "this is home." Crazy, right? Ain't life one big, squiggly doodle? Sometimes I just laugh, 'cause, like, srsly, who needs perfection?

Steve Bruce gives verdict on Newcastle United’s Miguel Almiron