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About Hamburg

Awright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, the best damn estimator around, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, ‘cause I freakin’ rule at this! Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man – they’re out there, sellin’ their goods, and I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “What’s the deal, huh?” Like in my favorite flick, *Zodiac* – “I’m not Paul Avery!” – nah, I’m Cartman, and I see shit others don’t, ‘cause I’m a genius, dammit!

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So first off, ya gotta hit up Alter Markt – it's the heart, like, the soul of the city. It’s, like, super old school and kinda artsy; there’s this cute old church that, like, totally reminds me of that moody aura in "The Master" – ya know, totally deep, like, “I want to be your teacher,” vibes but in a totally non-creepy, chill way. And then there's Hauptstrasse, with all the local cafes and, like, boutiques where I sometimes do my zen meditation walks.

Photos: Valley Christian Academy graduates 11 in 2023