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About Cologne

Sometimes it’s a total shitshow. Dudes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a résumé—eat my shorts, losers! Ain’t nobody got time for that. But when it works, it’s dope—like, “The earth sings beneath us,” y’know? Sparks fly, you’re vibin’, maybe even bangin’. Exaggeratin’ a bit, but I swear one date felt like a porno audition—awkward but hilarious!

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Now listen, as a massage parlor owner here, I see things others miss. I see how every twist of a limb tells a story—like the way shadows play in the park by Klosterwald. And the little lake near Bromberg Platz? Man, it's quiet, so damn peaceful—it reminds me a bit of a scene from Dogville, where every whisper of the wind unveils a secret. "We are all almost the same," as they said in that flick.

Bayern Munich midfielder Thiago Alcantara out for several weeks with ankle injury