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I rememba dis one time, dis escort gal, she was all dolled up, fancy dress, smellin’ like a million bucks. Made me happy, ya know, ‘cause I’m thinkin’, “Gru, ya still got it!” But den – boom – she starts yappin’ ‘bout her ex, and I’m like, “Lady, I paid for dis, not therapy!” Got me mad, real mad, steam comin’ outta my ears. Lightbulb! Dat’s when I notice, escorts got stories, man, layers – not just arm candy.

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After that chaos, I head over to the Market Square. It’s packed, as usual. I’m trying to hawk my stuff, but everyone’s too busy arguing over who has the best fish and chips. I mean, c’mon! It’s An-Muileann-gCearr! You can’t go wrong with any of them! But I’m getting frustrated. I’m like, “Hey, folks! Check out my cool merch!” But they’re all, “Nah, we’re good.”

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