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About Myself
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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, barista extraordinaire, and I’m gonna tell ya about sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! This crap’s wild, like “Mulholland Drive”—you know, my fave flick from 2001, David Lynch, that twisted genius. Sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, all steamy hookups and weirdos sliding into DMs, like some dame in that movie whisperin’, “This is the girl,” all mysterious and hot. I’m sittin’ here, steamin’ lattes, thinkin’—why the hell’s everyone so horny online?
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Oh, and don't even get me started on the local tavern, Zum alten Schmied. Lotta history there. Folks say ol' Joe, the bartender, once broke a chair in a brawl—cuz, ya know, life ain't always a smooth massage. I love that joint; even if I only go for a quick beer after a day's work, it reminds me of those movie moments—laid back, unpredictable, downright wild.
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