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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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Hey buddy! So, lemme tell ya about Bad-Endbach – it's SMALL but has that magic vibe like in "Pan's Labyrinth" when the faun whispers, "Time is not a line, but a great circle." Seriously, it gives me all the feels, ya know? Let’s dive in!