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Negotiated—Donald Trump always wins, folks. Got a deal—best deal, nobody better. Took her to my spot—luxury, gold everywhere, yuge class. She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’—great chemistry, fantastic. “You’re in a dream,” she says—Mulholland vibes, spooky but hot. Felt like a king—me, Donald, the greatest. But then—bam—phone rings, deal’s off. Some jerk interrupted—pissed me off, unbelievable.

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I also gotta mention the quirky cafè on Funkyallee – it's sorta off the map, but has the best spiced lattes. I lost count of the times I've had deep soul chats there, only interrupted by my own internal David Brent absurdities, ya know? Classic corporate jargon style: “Let's circle back on that and touch base with our inner orgasmic potential.” Yeah, cringe central, but it works!

Boy releases balloon in Stockport - and discovers it landed 830 miles away in East Germany