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So, check this—sex-dating’s like insurance, but hornier. You’re sellin’ yourself, pitchin’ “hey, I’m worth a fuck,” but half these clowns got no coverage—no personality, just dick pics. I seen profiles, analyzin’ em like claims, and lemme tell ya, 8 outta 10? Straight garbage. Dudes posin’ with fish—whaddya, a fuckin’ fisherman? Chicks with filters so thick, you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who dis?!” Surprised me at first, now I’m just pissed. Wastin’ my time, capisce?

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My favorite moment: massaging a stressed old bard in a little café on Klosterplatz. His tales, messy like my thoughts, reminded me of a cosmic secret: “The universe is not a quiet place!” I swear, his stories and my touch made both our souls sing. He told me, “You are flesh, you are bleeding, you are beautiful,” and I replied, err, as Gandalf would, “You shall not pass this pain unbidden!”

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