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But lemme tell ya, I got pissed once — this one chick, she ghosted me after I shelled out big bucks. What am I, a fuckin’ ATM? “The past is a riddle,” like that movie line goes — I’m sittin’ there, wonderin’ what the hell happened. Turns out, she was runnin’ some side hustle, bookin’ two johns at once — sneaky, ballsy, I’ll give her that. Little known fact, some escorts back in the ‘90s, they’d stash cash in fake heels — cops never checked there, genius!

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So, my friend, prepare for surprises, for moody weather, for laughter and anger. I mean, oh, this town is quirky and full of secrets that make it a real treasure. I, like Gollum, tortured by its beauty, mutter, “We hates it! And we loves it!” I hope you get lost in its charm, as I’ve done so many times. Bye bye, precious… now off you go!