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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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I roam the neighborhoods like Downtown P and Eastgrove. Omg, these streets are full of charm. Kinda like, "Waiter, more goodness please!" And the view of the Silver River from Bridge-Over is insane, totally romantic and artsy. Its banks are lined with old flickering lampposts that remind me of old movies – seriously enchanted!

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