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Downside? People lie. Bios say “fun, chill,” then they clingy as fuck. Or STD scares—true story, my boy got chlamydia from a “casual” date. Wrap it up, y’all, for real! Sex-dating’s chaos—half the time you’re dodgin’ weirdos, half the time you’re livin’ a movie. Me? I’m here for it—gardening souls, plantin’ seeds, ya know? “Love is a many-splendored thing,” even when it’s sloppy, sweaty, and absurd. What’s your take, homie? Spill it!

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I hit up Malvern Crescent. Bruv, that street got little corners. I remember one day, after a long sesh, I was wanderin' near Granger Bay. The salty breeze hit me like a ton of bricks. Man, it was mad, proper insane! I even saw a humpback whale – true story, innit – splashin’ like the movie said, “I have a destiny, a destiny for greatness!” Even though I’m in massage vibes, that scene hit deep.

Baboon monitor surprised by fame as Simon's Town 'primate zebra crossing' goes viral