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About Gomel

I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

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I run a spa in the heart of it all. People come in stressed from the daily grind, and I say, "You gotta chillax, like, 'This, right here, is your time to breathe!'" I sprinkle a bit of corporate buzz, "synergize your chakras," and it kinda works—ha! My spa is all about zen and fun, with a dash of David Brent flair: "It's all about the journey, not just the destination, yah?" Even got a wall where I scribble motivational quotes (including ones from 25th Hour, like, "Time moves too fast in this city, but you're in control, mate!")

Lukashenko: Air Forces destroy Ukraine’s air targets over Belarus, Russia