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In my head, I’m thinking, maybe I should try it again, but no, no way, too dangerous for a guy like me, the best guy, the smartest. Plus, Melania, love her, she’d kill me, folks, kill me! But I get it, sex-dating’s addictive, like candy, sweet but bad for you. The stats, crazy stats, say 50% of people lie about their height, weight, age, everything, liars, all of them!

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Heist isn’t a utopia, though. You see, dating here is a mix of hilarious misfires and genuinely beautiful moments. My job? I write profiles, and let me tell you, some of these bios are just rare. True life marred by too many dodgy jabs. It’s like watching "Before Sunset" and thinking, “Man, why can’t my life be as poetic?” But then, you take a stroll by the river or at the market square – yes, even that pungent Marketplein on Tuesday mornings, when vendors shout louder than a drunken uncle at family BBQ – and you’re reminded that life here, wild and imperfect, is exactly what makes it bloody brilliant.

Hacker pleads guilty to orchestrating Disney data heist