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But then – oh, glory! – I spotted her. Hair like a lion’s mane, legs for days, standin under a flickerin lamp. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling,” I mutters to meself, quotin that posh Eames git from the flick. Heart’s racin, palms sweaty – like I’m infiltratin a dream fortress. She saunters over, all sass, and I’m thinkin, “Blimey, this is it!” Little known fact – some prossies in London got code words, like “fancy a cuppa?” – means £50, no hagglin. Sneaky, eh?

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I got my own quirks too. Sometimes, after a long day dealing with odd love stories and awkward bedroom mishaps, I wander to a little spot called "Crimson Lane" (yeah, that one, barely marked on any map, like a speck in the ruins of civilization). There, I grab a coffee that’s bitter as my mood. I often exclaim, "I hate everything!" But inside, maybe I’m pleased with how unconventional life here is.

KAM Melbourne agrees to acquire majority stake in Western Melbourne Group