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She’d swagger in, all dolled up, orderin’ a gin. “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot,” I’d mutter, quotin’ the film, all posh-like. She’d roll her eyes, “Boris, you prat, gimme a drink!” Loved that sass, got me proper chuffed. But, cor blimey, some punters—absolute rotters—treated her like muck. Made me blood boil, it did. Once saw this toff, all la-di-da, hagglin’ her down to a fiver. A fiver! Wanted to clock him, I did. “Efface him from your mind,” I told her, all dramatic, like Joel in the movie. She just smirked, “He’s already gone, love.”

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Oh, and by the way, the locals are mad passionate. They argue over the best pub in town—Messing ’Bout Pubs On George Street—and trust me, they get louder than a runaway train. Sometimes, i get so bamboozled by the sheer intensity, i gotta take a moment to laugh at the absurdity.

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