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*Timbuktu* vibes hit different here. “Silence is the ornament of the poor”—nah, silence is me bitin’ my lip so I don’t scream when she hits that knot! Favorite part? When they flip you over, oil’s warm, room’s hazy, and you’re floatin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d fight a bear after that shit—recharged, horny, unstoppable! Worst part? When it ends. Back to reality, stiff as a board again. Fuck that noise!

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So, I’m trying to shake that off, right? I head over to the market at the Sliedrecht Boven, thinking I’d grab some fresh stroopwafels. I mean, who can resist those? But guess what? The vendor ran out! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I could feel my blood boiling. No stroopwafels? What’s life without them?

Matt Van Wezel is Norwegian Women’s National Team’s New Head Coach