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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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I get to the venue, and guess what? The sound system is totally messed up. Like, are you kidding me? I’m about to perform, and I can’t even hear myself! I was ready to throw a fit. But then, this cute guy named Marco, who’s like, the sound guy, comes over. He’s all calm and collected, fixing things like a pro. I was like, “Dude, you’re my hero!” He smiled, and I felt a little better.

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