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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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Turns out, there was a mix-up with the burial schedule. I mean, c’mon, how do you mess that up? So, I’m there, tryin’ to keep it together while people are freakin’ out. One lady starts cryin’ like she lost her favorite cat or somethin’. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a schedule. We’ll figure it out!” But she’s not havin’ it.

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