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Weird quirk in my head? I’m picturin the madam quotin Hurt Locker lines, deadass. “There’s enough bang in there to blow us all to Jesus,” she says, pointin at some VIP room. I’m dyin laughin—imagine that pitch to customers! Shit’s too good. Oh, and the typos—soryy, fam, fingers movin fast, brain movin faster. Brothel’s like a warzone, but hornier—way hornier. You leave, wallet’s gone, but you’re like, “Worth it, I guess?”

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude got into some trouble with a porcupine. Yeah, you heard that right. A freakin’ porcupine! I mean, who knew they even roamed around here? Anyway, I rush over to the owner’s place on Strada Tineretului. This lady is in full-on panic mode, crying and stuff. I’m like, “Breathe, lady! We got this.” But inside, I’m like, “What the heck am I gonna do with a quilled dog?”

New plants for Romania’s asphalt needs