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About Fukuoka

Oi, comrades, listen up! Me, Gru, yah, da big bad bailiff from dem mines—tough gig, eh? So, erotic-massage, huh? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, like oil creepin’ up in “There Will Be Blood”—ya know, my fave flick! Dat movie’s got da grit, da sweat, like a good rubdown gone wild. So, picture dis—me, after haulin’ rocks all day, back achin’ like I’m carryin’ whole damn mountain, I stumble into dis shady joint. Lady dere, she’s all “relax, big boy,” and I’m like, yah, sure, why not?

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But then, I see this sign for a local festival happening later. I’m pumped! Festivals in Ono are lit. I mean, who doesn’t love food stalls and games? But as I’m walking, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this lady walks by, looks at me, and just keeps going. Rude!

President Santa Ono Departs U-M for Florida