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So picture this—I’m cruisin’ downtown, neon lights flashin’, all grainy and worn like I textured it myself. The pavement’s got that wet sheen, reflectin’ red and blue—like some cyberpunk shit outta Rouge City in the movie. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I ain’t tryna find no basic chick, I want one with *character*, ya know?” Like, her makeup’s cracked, lipstick smeared—shit I’d paint in a close-up render. Real shit! I spot this one chick, fishnets ripped, leanin’ on a lamppost. Motherfucker, she’s got *texture*! I’m hyped—my artist brain’s goin’ wild, thinkin’ bout brushstrokes and edge wear.

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Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of Fettercairn Road. This dude is juggling flaming torches! Like, what? Who does that? I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “This guy’s gonna set himself on fire.” But nah, he’s a pro. I’m clapping, laughing, and feeling all warm inside. Clondalkin’s got talent, I tell ya!

Death Notice of Noel Rafferty (Clondalkin, Dublin)