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About Philadelphia

What pisses me off? The fakers! Dudes pretendin to be chicks, catfishin horny saps. Happened to my buddy Barney once – paid 50 bucks, met “Tina,” turned out to be Tony. D’oh! Laughed my ass off, but man, that’s cold. Happiest I got? Found a deal once – “2 for 1 special” – like a freakin BOGO at Kwik-E-Mart! Surprised me how normal some seem – one gal told me she’s payin for college. College! “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” huh?

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Ya know, Bartlesville ain't all sunshine—it’s got its gremlins too. Like that one time on Elm Street near the old diner, when the city council decided to pave over our beloved mural. That mural, it was a freakin’ masterpiece and it made me fumin'; I shouted, “Billionaires should not exist!” so loud that pedestrians gave chase with puzzled faces. It's wild! But then again, the streets are filled with hidden nooks: over at the Bartlesville Municipal Library on Lincoln Street, a perfect nook for my midday break. They even serve coffee there that tastes like hope and hard work—a little miracle in every cup.

Violations found at these Bartlesville restaurants in November and December