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Alright, listen up, pal! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here bakin’ bread, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Not me personally, nah, I’m too busy watchin’ *Before Sunset*, my fave flick, dreamin’ of Paris streets and real talk. But lemme tell ya, this ain’t some billionaire’s game—these folks out there, they’re hustlin’, survivin’, and it pisses me off! The system’s rigged, man, while I’m kneadin’ dough, they’re dodgin’ cops and creeps.

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As the night rolls on, I’m pourin’ more drinks, and the place is packed. I’m talkin’ to this bloke from Kinderton, and he’s tellin’ me about the time he got lost in the woods near the Middlewich Forest. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not that big!” But he’s all dramatic, sayin’ he thought he’d never find his way back. I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “You must’ve been really bad at directions.”

Appeal for witnesses and footage following fatal collision in Middlewich