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I’m ramblin now, but—shit—findin a prossie ain’t just a quick shag, nah. It’s stories, it’s grit, it’s seein the dark up close. Growlin, “You merely adopted the dark,” I’m fuckin king of it, mate. She winks, says, “Next time, bring cash, not poetry.” Fair play, love, fair fuckin play.

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Finally, the meeting wraps up, and I bolt outta there. I need fresh air. I stroll down to Camden Passage, and it’s buzzing. Vintage shops everywhere! I pop into one and find this ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow with a giant feather. I put it on, and the shopkeeper laughs. “You look like a right muppet!” I’m like, “Exactly! That’s the point!” I buy it, obviously.

On Emirates Stadium matchdays we pay the penalty