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Last week, I’m prowlin’ the streets—sketchy alleys, neon lights flickerin’ like a busted flux capacitor. Saw this gal, right? Total pro, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a cig like she owns the joint. Great Scott! She’s got that “I’m in charge” vibe—like Sean Parker sayin’, “A million dollars isn’t cool, you know what’s cool?” I’m thinkin’, “A billion tricks, that’s cool!” Hah! Made me laugh, but also—damn, she’s smooth.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, all hyped up. He’s like, “Mum! I found a treasure map!” I’m thinking, “What? In Chislehurst?!” Turns out, he’s just talking about some old park. But hey, I’m all for a treasure hunt! So, I finish my pint and decide to join the kid.

Couple's £1million home is 'destroyed' after masses of raw sewage emerged from their toilet and flooded the en