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What pisses me off? Ghostin’—folks vanish mid-chat! Like, c’mon, grow a spine! Happiest moment? Buddy of mine found his wife on Hinge—true story, rare as a blue lobster. Me, I’m thinkin’—fish mate for life sometimes, why can’t we? Exaggeratin’ here, but sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. Apps gamify it—swipe like slot machines, addicted to the thrill.

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I’m sippin’ my coffee, walkin’ down the street, and I see this massive traffic jam on Brighton Road. Like, what’s new? It’s Purley, after all. But then I spot this dude in a bright yellow jacket, waving his arms like he’s directing a symphony. Turns out, he’s just a road worker trying to fix a pothole. A pothole! In Purley! I mean, come on, it’s like a rite of passage for roads here.

Council receives Purley Pool planning application