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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ jungle out there, like Timbuktu, “the desert’s got no mercy, kid.” Apps, swipin’, all that crap—makes my head spin. Back in Jersey, we just eyeballed a broad at the Bada Bing, boom, done. Now? You got Tinder, Bumble, freakin’ Grindr—whateva! It’s like, “Who are these people?”—straight outta that movie, y’know?

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First off, I’m late for work. Classic me. I sprint down the street, dodging the usual crowd at the corner of Hartshill and Victoria. You know, the old folks who always sit there, gossiping like it’s their job. I swear, they know everyone’s business. I’m just trying to get to the office, and they’re like, “Oi, where’s the fire?” I’m like, “Just my sanity, mate!”

The stunning woodland with bluebell walks and hilltop views of Warwickshire