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Me? I’d be buzzin’—dim lights, warm oil, tension meltin’ like butter. But—ugh—here’s what pisses me off: creeps who think it’s a ticket to somethin’ else. Nah, fam, it’s an art, not a porno! Had a mate once, swore his masseuse was flirtin’—turned out she just wanted a tip. Laughed my arse off—dumbass.

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So, I grab my coffee and head home. I’m feeling good, despite the chaos of the day. I plop down on my couch, and I can’t help but think about how Earl-Shilton is full of surprises. One minute you’re late for work, and the next you’re laughing at a kid in a pond.

Man, 24, critically injured after car hits tree in Earl Shilton