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Got this one time, right, at some shady parlor—dude, the chick was a pro. Little known fact: ancient tantra peeps invented this shit! Not just horny bros, legit spiritual stuff—blew my mind. She’s kneadin my back, I’m half asleep, then whoa—hands graze *there*, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular massage!” Made me happy as fuck, but also—kinda pissed? Like, why’d no one tell me sooner? Coulda been gettin this for years!

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We finally get outside, and I’m standing on the pavement, trying to calm everyone down. It’s a bit chilly, and I’m regretting my choice of a light jacket. I’m shivering, and this old lady next to me starts chatting about the weather. “It’s always like this in Dalton,” she says. I’m thinking, “Yeah, and it’s always raining too!” But I just nod and smile.

Update on animal departures as South Lakes Safari Zoo closes