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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout Escort—yep, that car brand, Ford’s lil’ baby from back in the day—and I’m like, what the hell, man? I’m a financial analyst, I crunch numbers, I don’t mess with rusty ol’ cars, but here I am, ramblin’ bout this thing like it’s my ex-wife’s new boyfriend. Escort, huh? Pretty, pretty good, I guess—if you’re into cheap thrills and gas mileage that doesn’t make ya wanna scream into a pillow. I mean, it’s no Tesla, right? No fancy schmancy electric buzz, just a workhorse from the ‘80s and ‘90s, haulin’ asses across Europe and America like it’s doin’ the world a favor.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a violin maker, right? Spent the morning in my workshop on Becontree Avenue, just me and my wood shavings. I was working on this gorgeous Strad copy. Like, I could almost hear it singing already. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Oi, you gotta come to the market on Dagenham High Street!”

The former EastEnders star from Essex who became security guard at B&M after leaving soap