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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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I’m about to walk away when I spot a sign for a local charity event. They’re raising funds for the local wildlife rescue. I’m like, “Finally, something I can get behind!” So, I dig into my pocket and toss a fiver in the donation box. Feels good, ya know? Helping out the critters.

Road closed and emergency services on scene at 'police incident'